Reflections on the Last Amen

Weeping (v):
1. To express deep sorrow, usually by shedding tears (Miriam-Webster).
2. To express passion, (such as grief) by shedding tears (Miriam-Webster).
3. The action occurring in the moment that you are holding your three-year-old niece and her little curls are tickling your neck and you have never felt so much love, but then the pastor (who is visiting with the sole purpose of gently laying the church to rest) says “I officially declare this congregation to be closed,” and you respond accordingly.
4. A cobble of stones dropped down from the chest to the stomach with great weight, which causes an outpouring of emotion, both internal and external, often with deep emotional and spiritual implications and/or causes.
a. see John 11:35: Jesus wept.
b. see also, Matthew 2:18: A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation,    Rachel weeping for her children because they are no more.
c. see also, Psalm 30:5: Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Mourning (v):
1. The act of sorrowing. To feel or express grief or sorrow (Miriam-Webster).
2. The act of watching a video recap of a life from the era you missed to the eons you were part of. The experience of watching deep friendships develop on a recap reel. Sorrowing the deep loss of twelve years known and unknown. Internalizing the sensation of sniffles around the room in chorus with your own.
3. The experience of walking through a set of doors in a particular way for the last time. Rolling up a carpet with finality. Watching your pastor walk through that pair of double doors and knowing he will no longer be your pastor. Waking up early and pulling on black tights.
4. A burden dropped expectedly or unexpectedly upon one’s shoulders (generally shared by many, sometimes experienced by only one); the tug of many conflicting emotions simultaneously; an experience of grief with spiritual and lingering overtones.
a. see Ezekiel 24:17: Sigh, but not aloud; make no mourning for the dead.
b. see also, Ecclesiastes 7:4: The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning
c. see also, Romans 12:15: Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.
d. see also, Matthew 5:4: Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Hope (v):
1. To cherish a desire with anticipation (Miriam-Webster).
2. To desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfillment (Miriam-Webster).
3. To expect with confidence (Miriam-Webster).
4. To pull up in your phone the location of a future church home and look around the room expectantly, hoping to see the faces of your spirit family as soon as Easter.
5. The sensation conflicting with grief which the sound of children laughing can cause over the crinkle of tissue packets.
6. The gift of a savior in the midst of a casserole of hurt; the knowledge that what has come to pass was planned, and what will come to pass is similarly safeguarded.
7. Confidence in the possibility that the best is yet to come.
a. see: Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
b. see also, Hebrews 11:1: Now faith is the assurance for things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
c. see also, Lamentations 3:24: “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

 

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
– Kahil Gibran

 

“In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! We are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory.”
– J.R.R. Tolkien

The Journey to Italy

I specifically remember in high school, just as I was beginning to discover the world, learning about Italy. Someone once asked me that time-honored question, if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Italy was my immediate answer. I fell in love with the art, the architecture, the history, the food, the cathedrals – all of it.

Now, as a college student, I have the opportunity to go there. I will get to see the ruins of the Coliseum, smell the inside of the Sistine Chapel, and finally (oh, finally) taste authentic Italian food. It’s been a long journey working up to this point, and I want to share some of that with you.

I don’t come from a wealthy family. We are certainly not poor, but my parents don’t have $5000 to send me around the world just laying around somewhere! Spare for some serious generosity around Christmas and birthday time, I earned every penny I have for this trip. A majority of the funding came from last summer, where I worked three different jobs to try and save up. Granted, two of them were internships – but they were paid! Between two internships and a night job at Applebee’s, I worked somewhere around 50-60 hours per week last summer to save up for this trip. During the school year I have worked between two and three jobs as well, pushing myself to work as much as I can while still honoring my first priority: school. I have applied for three different scholarships so far, one of which has replied with an unfortunate “no,” but I am still holding out on the other two. For over a year now I’ve been hustling and pushing, working over breaks and holidays, 9am-2am, stopping only for dinner – and it still isn’t enough.

Today I enjoyed the celebration of paying for the trip – over $4,000 to secure my plane ticket, my hotel rooms, transportation in the city, and even some of the places we will visit during our time! All I am missing is the last $1,300 to pay for the credit. I am going to continue working, serving, picking up shifts and extra hours to pay for this trip, but I realized something today:

I have asked the institution for help, I’ve begged my parents, but I have yet to open the door to you guys, my friends, loved ones, and extended family. I have not given you the opportunity to help. I’m not going to expect it of you, nor will I look at you differently if you can’t contribute, but if you have a $20 laying around, perhaps it could go to me. Once I pay for the credit, I will still need money to spend in Italy! I would hate to make it there to only eat sandwiches from our hotel fridge! So here are a few ways you could help me get to Italy:

1) Pray. Oh my gosh, pray. These scholarships would make all the difference, and I know that God tells us not to worry about money, but that is so hard to do!
2) Donate. You can donate to me at paypal.me/jessiedion1 with your PayPal account. If you don’t have one, you can send a check my way to
Jessie Dion
4201 S. Washington St.
741 Student Center
Marion, IN 46953

Literally anything helps at this point, friends. I am at the precipice of the trip of my dreams, and I am so excited to go! But before I despair over lack of funds, I wanted to give you all a chance to support me.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this, even if prayers are all you can offer – I truly believe they are worth more than gold. Thank you, also, for being there for me in this super awesome (yet scary!) time, and walking alongside me all these years.

I love you all! Keep doing what you do. I can’t wait until May to see Italy, the land of my dreams, and to send you all pictures 🙂

With all my love,

~ Jess

 

Use What You Love

“Use what you love to fight what you hate.”

Rebecca Bender, human trafficking survivor, author, and founder of a nonprofit called the Rebecca Bender Initiative, spoke these words in our chapel this morning.  They’ve been ringing in my head all day.

So what does she mean?  Use what we love to fight what we hate?  A simple concept, for sure, but it has profound implications.  Let’s say you’ve got your bachelor’s degree in finance from a high-end institution in New York.  You worked a year-long internship that fed into a lucrative job, you’re living in a great apartment and you can finally afford to shop at stores other than Wal-Mart and JC Penny.  Good for you.  Congratulations on your hot water and your new washing machine and your nice bed with the feather pillows.  You’ve made it!  But something has been tugging at your heart.  As you drive to work in your luxury four-door, the homeless woman on the corner catches your eye.  Every morning she stands there, eyes downcast, with a cardboard sign in her hand that says “mother of two, struggling to survive, anything helps.”  You’ve heard the stories countless times about people on street corners being scammers, or wasting the money away – it seems pointless to hand out your hard-earned cash at this point; and yet, every morning when you drive by, you feel the need to help her.

Maybe you wake up one morning and toss off your downy comforter, slide into your house slippers and say to yourself, I’m going to fix things.  You draw up the plans for some big initiative, starting in your city, soon to be going worldwide to places like Mexico and India; now all you need is – everything.  At this point we stop.  We have enough motivation, but we’ve convinced ourselves that we need to be the sole fighter, the knight-errant conquering evil dragons all by our own strength.  Despite the vast number of initiatives already in existence, we are convinced that in order to help, we need to invent our own.

We don’t have to be the hero.  In fact, when we are facing an issue like homelessness, foster care, pornography, or even human trafficking, we need to lean on each other.  Each of us are gifted with our own strengths and passions, which we can use to help fight the things that we hate.  Rebecca made the point that our contribution doesn’t have to be the big finance degree from Prestige University.  Certainly it can be, if you find that you are good at numbers and you enjoy working with them – there are established service groups who need your help.  But maybe, despite your degree in Finance, you’ve always been good at writing, or research, or talking to people.  Maybe you’re a social media whiz, or you’ve always been adept at knitting!  We can use our passions to help battle the evils that we hate in the world.  Instead of creating something new – while new initiatives are important – we can contribute to what already exists and make these groups stronger by doing so.  Put your knitting needles to good use and find a charity to knit for.  Run at a 5k for cancer research.  Be the mastermind behind the social media page of a local nonprofit.  Write about the issues you care for, and give people resources to be heard.

Use what you love to fight what you hate.

—–

Information taken from Rebecca Binder’s incredible chapel speech, which may be posted later (I will add the link if I can).

Follow her on Instagram: @imrebeccabender or see her website www.rebeccabender.org

While you’re at it, follow Matt Desmond’s pursuits in fighting poverty and homelessness in America.  His chapel speech is unavailable, but you can check out his website at www.justshelter.com.

Revelations from “Spirited Away”

This post contains spoilers, so if you’ve never seen Spirited Away, stop what you’re doing, go watch it, and then come back.  Got that done?  Excellent.

As I type this, my No Face doll is sitting atop my desk, my No Face wallpaper is lighting up on my phone, and my No Face shirt is resting in my laundry basket.  And that’s not to mention my No Face stationary… Clearly, I have an obsession.  I’m not sure if it’s the cute face or the sweet disposition that draws me to that cannibalistic psycho, but I love him.  Upon reflecting for a while, I think I’ve finally figured out why.  I am No Face!

Wait, wait!  Before you run off to call the police and have me detained for threatening to eat people, just listen.  In a way, we are all No Face.  He was a harmless spirit when he arrived at the bathhouse, albeit creepy for standing outside all the time.  He just wanted to be noticed. He’s just trying to repay Sen for her kindness.  When no one else would see him, she did.  That’s why he bides his time and learns what Sen likes so that he can truly repay her for her services (or so I believe).  His time in the bathhouse is long.  As he tries to win Sen’s affection, he loses himself to gluttony in the process.

Long story made short, Sen has a beautiful heart and takes pity on our gluttonous friend, giving him the medicine she desperately needed for her parents.  No Face starts to vomit up all the nasty things he’s eaten, until he’s finally himself again, but he’s still on a rampage.  It’s not until he leaves the bathhouse (remember the scene where he dives into the water?) that he finally loses that crazed monster look.  He follows Sen to Zeneba’s cottage, where he discovers the simple joys of life (and chewing quietly) that allow him to eat food but retain that killer beach bod.

So why does No Face become such a sweetheart when he leaves the bathhouse?  Chihiro tells us that when she says, “the bathhouse was making him crazy.”  At first, that line is just a line.  In fact, it’s very nearly unsatisfactory to explain why No Face, who seems to mean well and just wants to win Sen’s affection, turned into a people-eating monstrosity.  But when I think about it, I realize that we all go a little crazy if we stay in the bathhouse too long.  We get too wrapped up in our own tasks, following rabbit trails and losing bits of ourselves in the process.  Sometimes we forget what our goal even was.  No Face remembered eventually, but he lost a bit of himself in the process.  Don’t I do the same thing?  I get consumed by my work or school and I drive myself crazy just pushing to get everything on my list accomplished.  I grow bitter and stressed and force people out of my life as I draw back into myself.  I just need to dive into the water and swim for a while, or do something simple like spinning thread and then all of the stress will ebb away.  Goodbye, monster me.

Think about it.  And next time you start snapping at the heels of the people you love, try stepping out of the bathhouse for a while!  You’ll feel so much better.

A Review of “Next to Normal”

I wanted my first post to be about literature or dorm life, but something more important has come across my desk.  63rd Street Productions, a company based in Saugatuck, Michigan, is showing a musical by the name of “Next to Normal,” and it is my personal opinion that you ought to see it.  This post is not sponsored, just true.

“Next to Normal” is  about a family struggling with the pain of a mother who has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  As someone who has been a witness to Bipolar Disorder, I can say that their depiction of the disease is raw and accurate.  I found myself being pulled into the struggles of this family as they made every attempt to cure the disease which ails the mother figure, Diana.  Without the grandeur of a 50 person cast or a 20 piece pit, 63rd Street Productions put out a musical which was profoundly moving – yet intimate.

A majority of the dialogue in this production was passed through song, and I could not help but marvel at the vocal abilities of all six actors in this production.  Each was unique, but powerful and fitting to their character.  I recall the first time I heard each one sing – and the chills that ran down my spine as the story progressed.  I can promise that you will not regret seeing this musical.

Although the subject material is heavy, there is humor to be found in the darkness.  The imagery of light and dark is powerful – drawing viewers to the small stage at the Red Barn Theater.  I found myself genuinely shocked by each plot twist.  For those of you who are like me, I recommend bringing a little packet of tissues to the second act.  The emotions of these talented actors are raw and moving to the point of tears.  Through the mere two hours I sat in the barn, I experienced anger, fear, sadness, and most of all – hope.  In my own situation, I found myself relating the the brilliant actors on stage.  For a moment, Diana’s illness was my own.  I sat in the car waiting with the father figure, Dan.  I struggled with family and relationships alongside daughter Natalie and boyfriend Henry.  I even pressed Diana to seek treatment with Dr. Madden.  Although I did not relate as much to the son figure, Gabe, I found myself longing for him as much as I pushed back from him.

I distinctly recall trying to define a protagonist and antagonist in the story, but realizing that there was no direct antagonist.  Depending on your situation, you may fault different characters for the struggles this family faces, but in the end?  There are no “good guys” and “bad guys,” only raw, human emotion, and the reaction of the characters experiencing it.

I can not end this post without acknowledging the other brilliant people who had a hand in this musical.  There was a five-piece pit just beside the stage whose power was mystifying.  From such a small number came such incredible power!  They are at the wheel, leading you through the plot of this musical.  Behind the rows of chairs sat the technicians, who managed to create a mood in a single scene which was beyond my imagination.  I am nothing shy of impressed.

Finally, director Shane Michael Lynn deserves some credit, a lot of credit, actually.  This director’s connection to the work clearly showed through the power of this piece, and was clearly communicated through the dedicated actors.

Over all, a top-notch show I am itching to go see again!  If you have time and a few extra dollars, make your way down to the Red Barn Theater in Saugatuck, Michigan to experience this performance before time runs out.  They are showing until May 22nd.  Visit http://www.redbarn63rdstreet.com for more information, or to purchase your ticket.  I cannot recommend this musical highly enough.